Sometimes I feel like no one understands. People are in similar situations as me and when I talk to these people all I think is how do they have it all figured out but I can’t. My dad left me many years ago and my mom got remarried to a man I cannot stand. My dad is the one that has brought me the most hurt, but lately all I’ve been thinking about is having a relationship, and I feel guilty to want that. I’m lost and need help.
I can confidently tell you two things. Although your issue may not be something only you are experiencing, your emotions surrounding your situation are uniquely yours and they are real and very important. What our wonderful little human nature leads us to do in times where we feel we don't have it all figured out when others do is to stuff it and pretend like it's not there, at least on the outside. This is exactly the reason why you see others as "having it all together." Most likely they do not, and if they have figured some things out, its because they have taken the hard steps to face their hurt. You can do this too, I know you can. To address your mom's current marriage, I would encourage you to possibly talk to your mom about it and let her know how you feel. Often times these situations are aggravated purely because we don't talk through them. Be careful not to go in to attack your mom's husband, just go in wanting to let her hear your frustrations and hurt. Don't go in expecting results, this conversation should be about you and your mom coming to the same page and being sure that each of you know what is happening in each others heart. I believe if you start here, the path will mark itself out to on where to go next. As for working through dealing with your dad, the relationship you think about it absolutely natural to desire, even if he has hurt you. What you can never get away from is that he is your dad. Now you might be able to separate yourself emotionally from that, but for you right now, there is still that attachment. You may need to spend some time thinking through the specifics of what hurt you have because of what he did in your relationship with him and his relationship with your mom. Very likely, you will need to find a way to forgive him to be able to really feel the freedom to move forward. Your desire for a relationship is a real need, your guilt is just the result of wanting that from someone you don't believe deserves it. You need to separate those to feelings. Your potential path of grace and forgiveness will most likely relieve the guilt, however your desire for a fatherly relationship will still exist. This is going to take time to heal from. Let me encourage you to do a couple of things. First, connect with a counselor and allow them to walk with you down this path. They can be pivotal in helping you navigate the difficult emotions that will come with your journey. Second, know the depth of God's love for you! Your heavenly Father has gone to great lengths to secure His relationship with you and will let nothing separate that. Check out the following verses:
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." John 10:27-30
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3
You are valuable, and we love you! You are in our prayers!
I can confidently tell you two things. Although your issue may not be something only you are experiencing, your emotions surrounding your situation are uniquely yours and they are real and very important. What our wonderful little human nature leads us to do in times where we feel we don't have it all figured out when others do is to stuff it and pretend like it's not there, at least on the outside. This is exactly the reason why you see others as "having it all together." Most likely they do not, and if they have figured some things out, its because they have taken the hard steps to face their hurt. You can do this too, I know you can. To address your mom's current marriage, I would encourage you to possibly talk to your mom about it and let her know how you feel. Often times these situations are aggravated purely because we don't talk through them. Be careful not to go in to attack your mom's husband, just go in wanting to let her hear your frustrations and hurt. Don't go in expecting results, this conversation should be about you and your mom coming to the same page and being sure that each of you know what is happening in each others heart. I believe if you start here, the path will mark itself out to on where to go next. As for working through dealing with your dad, the relationship you think about it absolutely natural to desire, even if he has hurt you. What you can never get away from is that he is your dad. Now you might be able to separate yourself emotionally from that, but for you right now, there is still that attachment. You may need to spend some time thinking through the specifics of what hurt you have because of what he did in your relationship with him and his relationship with your mom. Very likely, you will need to find a way to forgive him to be able to really feel the freedom to move forward. Your desire for a relationship is a real need, your guilt is just the result of wanting that from someone you don't believe deserves it. You need to separate those to feelings. Your potential path of grace and forgiveness will most likely relieve the guilt, however your desire for a fatherly relationship will still exist. This is going to take time to heal from. Let me encourage you to do a couple of things. First, connect with a counselor and allow them to walk with you down this path. They can be pivotal in helping you navigate the difficult emotions that will come with your journey. Second, know the depth of God's love for you! Your heavenly Father has gone to great lengths to secure His relationship with you and will let nothing separate that. Check out the following verses:
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." John 10:27-30
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3
You are valuable, and we love you! You are in our prayers!
