I constantly build up walls, to avoid how I really feel and that keeps me from pursuing God. One distraction after another take time away from God, and I just stay bottled up about what I’m going through.
On Sunday, May 18, we talked about the walls we put up when Christ desires to reveal His glory in our lives (John 4:1-26). Whether you were there that night or not, I would encourage you to listen to the podcast of that message again, just so that it is fresh in your heart and mind. Once you have done that, consider this. Your "wall building" is a natural human nature response to protect yourself from others hurting you, but also to create a sight barrier that blocks you from seeing regularly that something is not right in your heart and life. What you wrote is a very clear description of what happens when we build those walls. Be encouraged that you choosing to write out this hurt and your ability and your process to write it so clearly is an incredible first step to you moving beyond your walls and to finding freedom in the glory of the person of Jesus Christ! You ARE moving forward, don't let yourself believe the lie that you are stuck! Now, let's very quickly look at the ongoing story in John 4. In verses 27-38 we see the disciples return to Jesus to see him talking with the Samaritan woman. That's a great part of this story, but for sake of where you are, let's jump to verse 39-42. In verse 39 the woman does something very significant. Do you see what it is? She told the people in her town "he told me everything I did." She brought up outwardly her hurt, sin and pain to her community. She didn't hold it in any longer. She risked it, a tough and difficult move! Let's take a second to applaud her! I'm not encouraging you to find a chair stand on it and yell out to everyone around your deepest darkest secrets. I'm encouraging you in the steps you are already taking! This risk was because of her allowing Christ the interaction into her life. Now look at verse 41, because of her risk, many others came to know Christ. Her vulnerability changed her life and subsequently changed her community around her. The communities focus went from her to Christ. Her focus went from her walls and her hurt to Christ. Healing came and an intimacy came in her relationship with God. So here is the challenge for you. RISK! Continue to step out from behind those walls of yours. Trust that Christ is the one before you, leading you out! Secondly, engage with your community that is around you. Start with HSL and then move towards your home, campus, teams, etc. As you put your risk in the person of Christ, you will find healing, then others will find it too, and then you will be drawn to a deeper place with God! Remember this is a process, it won't all resolve itself in one quick moment. Allow it to have time to heal, and allow your healing to be a part of how you engage with every hurt that will come up in your life. I would encourage you to find a mentor/discipler that you can walk with through life with. That can help you engage with each of your walls, and as you have the tendency to build them up again, they can speak into that and challenge you to move past them. Make that person someone who is objective, not a friend or even mom and dad, but an older adult who loves the Lord, has a mature relationship with Him and has a good awareness of their own personal journey. We would love to help you find that person if you would like. Just let us know! You are valuable and we love you! We are praying for you!