I hate attention. I consider myself a very righteous and Godly person and I think that is part of my problem. I rarely say mean things to people and I try to stop my mean thoughts when they come up so whenever I'm in a spot of attention with crowds, I know that every single person is forming some kind of judgement and I can only imagine how mean they are especially if they don't know God. I start thinking of what they could be and I start believing them. I've never had one solid best friend so I usually bottle it all up and sometimes pour it into a diary, which I know neither helps. I sometimes want to believe that if I had a boyfriend it would maybe help, but deep deep down I know it wouldn't. I tell myself I'm fat and there's nothing bad with loosing weight but when I negatively talk to myself, I know there is something wrong. I don't consider myself shy, just terribly scared.
